its been so long

i feel like im in that movie jamanji...
i can hear drumming and my bedroom light is flickering to the beat of the drumming. its quite freaky...

well its good to be back in the world of blogspot, it really has been years since i used this.
too much has changed to explain it all. well too many events have sucked me in and shat me out the other side i would have thought id have become a completely different person that the one i was when i was 16 years old. but no, reading back on my old blogs i dont think much has changed. im still shy inside and riddled with a depression that just wont go away.

im gonna make changes. i dont think it will make much of a difference.

i read a blog today that got me thinking alot about life.. how we only have a short one and what if our life was a movie or a book... would we be content with ourselves as we are the main character. what would we like to have happen in this story?

im gonna start living i think. ive been so so down recently ive been considering anti depressants again.
atm i would rather feel nothing that feel as bad as i do. but im going to start looking at my life. see what i can do to change things, try not to think about things as much as i do. try to live without hate or regret. live for myself and stop worrying so much about other people. chances are i wont know them in a few years time, and the ones i do still know wont remember the stupid things. so time to get a bit crazy.

saying that i just got back from a wicked holiday in cornwall. me my cousin and my friend who was over from germany went off for the weekend. it was great fun esp the last day we were there we made friend with the barmaid. we all got drunk and went skinny dipping in the sea late at night and the barmaid peirced my ears without me even thinking about it. this is what i want from life now. impulses and going through with them.

and on that note im gonna get out of my bed, go for a shower and go to town and meet some people.
coz ive done nothing but mope around all day. and i need some company.


not a very interesting or sophisticated first blog back but i dont care.

cherrio